A table, a chair, a bowl of fruit and a violin; what else does a man need to be happy? Albert Einstein

5 Jul

How about a woman who can build you a table Albert? 

It has been years since my last woodworking project.  So long in fact that I had to increase the circumference of my tool belt by several notches.  So long that I cannot remember the last project I made with lumber.  I do remember one or two of the projects along the way but that was because they were so horrible and ended up being a disaster in dumbness, though my adirondack chairs weren’t so bad.

I think at one point during a long ago forgotten project I gave up and put the saw down and hung up my tool belt.  I’m pretty sure that point was right after I tried to run a board over the router table and ended up the router didn’t want to play my way and slung a board across the garage.  Thank God I, that ONE time, had enough sense to back the car out of the garage first.  Previously I had been using the car as a workbench extension.  Bad idea all the way around. 

I am now much older and wider, judging from how much less of me my toolbelt covers and maybe just a teensy bit wiser.   I found this plan on Ana White’s blog.  http://ana-white.com/2010/03/plans-very-rustic-table-and-cool.html 

<a href="http://ana-white.com/sites/default/files/Original_Ana-White-Farmhouse-Bench-Beauty_s3x4_lg.jpg&quot; rel="lightbox[266][Rustic Table

Download Original]”>Rustic Table

After reading her blog and seeing some of the attractive and utilitarian projects she made I was inspired to dig out the tools for one more try.  I changed up a few things but this is what I was able to accomplish over the 3-day weekend.

 

My mom’s kitchen table that she lovingly donated to me when I married and moved is barely big enough to fit the four of us at a table.  You can absolutely forget having family over for dinner.  The kids had to sit in the kitchen at their table and eat (which aint always a bad thing when grown-ups are trying to talk), then we set the food along the kitchen counters and the four adults squished in around a small round table in the dining room.  Well, no more my friends.  We actually have room for the family, the grandparents and a friend a piece (which is all we really have).  I’m pretty pleased with the results and this being my first building project since Blind Melon was a relatively new band, I think I might attack a few more projects for the home. 

If you enjoy woodworking or just need some inspiration check out Ana White’s page.  She has free plans and lots of links to others who do similar projects.  And if you think you’d like a mile long, rustic, farmhouse table built by a hot chick (at one time back in the 90’s) then let me know.  Maybe we can work something out.

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Typical Pizzazzie

27 Mar

So a few months ago, yes months, I changed purses and in the process lost a whole slew of lipsticks.  My favorites to be exact because why would I carry my non-favorite lipsticks in my purse to always be on call for a quick slathering pre-lunch date with the husband?  Really, I only changed back and forth between two purses and it seemed each time I lost more lipstick in the exchange.  I have to admit, I thought someone maybe got sticky fingers with my SPF 15 MENTHA lip balm stick made of 100% natural mint because it tastes as good as it feels.  I’m not sure who it could have been because I would have noticed the minty freshness and plump smooth lipshine from 100 yards away.  Not to mention, if my daughter had decided to test out some grown-up lipstick to go with her Hannah Montana clumpy 3-year-old eyeshadow I would have kinda figured it out.  Plus she knows she could just ask me.  Nobody else in the house openly wears lipstick other than me so I was just at a total loss where these lipsticks could have gone.  And with my lipstick gone, nobody would be able to tell the difference between me and a bulldog. 

So fast forward a few months from the last purse exchange.  The MIL sent me a cool tapestry bag and I figured I’d give it a shot.  It has no compartments, it’s just one giant bag, so I dug around and found a few small cosmetic bags to separate my goodies and filled up my wallet with the myriad of store point cards.  I’m sure you want all of this described in great detail.  Let me just skip to the good part.

Long story short, the bag my stuff was in has a few zippered compartments so in order to be efficient I unzipped all of the compartments, flipped the bag upside down and shook vigorously. Kinda like how this girl I used to know paid her way through college.  We weren’t friends but she did sit near me in college algebra.  Neither of us did well in that class.  Anyway, after the entire surface of my queen bed was covered with tissues, loose change, keys, un-sharpened pencils, various colored pens, a packet of ginger drink mix….I assumed the bag was empty.   I turned the bag over and heard the clink of a few coins.  I ran my hand to the bottom of the bag feeling this way and that and what I found was there was a mysterious compartment that a few of my things had snuck themselves into.  I felt around trying to figure out how those items were still inside the bag but not where I could grab them and pull them out.  I did this for about 15 minutes then I finally realized, one of the zippered compartments had a hole in the pocket and all of my lost lipsticks were found again. 

I had been looking all over for these lipsticks and they were right there beside the bed in my turquoise Genna De Rossi bag just waiting to be discovered.  My lips are so excited.

How’s the weather?

26 Mar

It’s raining and the tv reception keeps going in and out so I can’t watch the weather channel to see if there are warnings in my area.  It’s maddening.  I’m looking at the weather radar but all I can hear of the weather dude is “severe……orms in the south…..stay tuned for……..ews…..over the northwest right now…..cover in a clos…….”  Seriously, I’m about to throw something straight through the tv.  I know it’s not the tv’s fault I’m too cheap to get a real antenna.  In the modern times when you can weigh out your cocaine with an ap on your iPhone, I’m trying to watch a flat screen tv with rabbit ears.  I don’t watch tv that much but when I do, I really like to experience it in all of it’s color and sound.  Especially if there’s a potential tornado warning issued.  Perhaps I should gather up the family and get in the closet now.  Oh crap and the cat is out there somewhere.  I’m afraid under the porch aint gonna cut it tonight kitty.

And my freshly purchased, fuel economical, NOT gold, vehicle is outside taking chances on the possible grapefuit sized hail.  Yes, you read that right, grapefruit sized hail.  Or it could have been the weather man was telling the metro area what he has as a snack when the weather center in Peachtree City called him up.   It’s hard to know with the tv cutting in out out.  Maddenly so as you may or may not have read earlier.  And I emphasize my car is NOT gold because despite what the dealership put on the title application, the car is clearly brown.  ish.  gray maybe?  Brownish gray?  Husband calls it dirt.  Which makes no bit of difference anyway because ealier this week it was yellow.  I’m hoping the swooshing rain and potentially grapefruit snack sized hail is washing that yellow off of my NOT gold car.

I’m also anticipating any moment now something is going to join me unexpectedly in my bedroom.  It could be a 10-year-old girl with one spongy curler on each side of her head or it could be the half dead tree in the backyard.  I hope the daughter is already asleep and totally unaware of the thunder and lighting so she can sleep and not even know what danger could be passing over us.  AND with that giantorous thunder clap that just made my heartburn pop to underneath my eyeballs, I’m sure she’s not asleep anymore.  

Ok, she woke up and I sent her downstairs to sleep on the couch then I ran downstairs to put my NOT gold car in the garage.  The husband is so sweet for cleaning out one side for me.  He has been re-arranging the garage for weeks now.  He likes to keep busy. Anyway, ran through the downpour, pulled the car in and now I’m about to go take some pics of stuff. yeah.  This post really didn’t go anywhere near where I wanted it to.  Maybe after a few more posts I’ll be back on the storytelling horse galloping at full speed towards that low hanging branch.  And my hands keep hitting the mouse pad on the laptop and I end up losing my cursor to other places in the post and making some pretty interesting words.

Oreo Crochet Cap

30 Jan

So what’s been up with ol Pizzazzie lately?  I have been crocheting and knitting my little fingers to the bone.  I could never have imagined sitting in one place for hours on end, tying a ball of yarn in knots with a little metal hook could bring one woman so much peace but here I am all peaceful and stuff.   Since Christmas I knitted my husband and my dad each a scarf, I crocheted my daughter a cap with a flower and then crocheted a cap for my husband and son and then two more caps for sale on Etsy.  I know there are women who can knit and crochet circles around me and probably think this is a slim turnout considering we had a whole week off due to ice blanketing the south for several days.  I was pretty excited that I was able to get this much done and I have plenty of other things I want to work on.  There is no sign of stopping.  Yarnaholic?  Perhaps.  I’m not interested in an intervention.

I have also been working on my mad photography skills.  Maybe my photography needs to take anger management so they’re not so mad and maybe will eventually be good.  Really good.  So good they make people cry and pay exorbitant amounts of cash to have my photos hanging in their home.  Yeeaahh! 

Ok I’m awake now.  Anyway, check out my latest item listed here:  ETSY.  Just click that link right there.  The one that says ETSY.  Or search me on Etsy under seller Pizzazzie. 

Take care and stay warm!

Happy New Year already

31 Dec

I have been sick all month.  My birthday, office Christmas party, Christmas itself…sick, sick, sick.  I missed every Christmas party this year.  And I guess I learned my lesson because I’m not socially comfortable anyway and wasn’t really that excited about having to make witty conversation with people I don’t know and am not even sure I like but I kind of missed being out this year.  Usually during Christmas we get to do things we don’t normally get to do around here like, you know, leave the house, leave the house without the kids, leave the house in something nicer than jeans and flip-flops, leave the house and not come back for a few hours while out doing something fun and entertaining without having to save for months to be able to do so.  You see where I’m going here. 

I did manage to work on a few items.  I have been trying to make re-usable coffee sleeves but the design I had in mind just would not work.  Not for anything in the world.   So while I had some downtime to drink Nyquil and sleep in the same pajamas for days at a time I was able to think up a few ways my design might work.  I will save the details for later when I actually have a good piece to show for it.  That way if it goes seriously awry and doesn’t work and I end up sewing my shirt into the sewing machine while attempting some delicate sewing maneuver no one will ever know.   Well, my daughter will know because I’ll have to get her to cut me out of the machine then I’ll have to swear her to secrecy. 

While I’m here, let me leave you with a question.  First a back story, of course.  I knitted my dad a scarf for Christmas.  The first ever completely finished knitting project and I was pretty happy with it.  My dad liked it, or said he did to spare his full-grown adult daughter from bursting into tears in front of the whole family.  Now I’m knitting one for my husband and was thinking if I manage to pull off two nicely knitted scarves I could make a few and sell them in my Etsy shop.  Well, and this is where the question comes in, I found one EXACTLY like the one I knitted in someone else’s Etsy shop.  Same yarn, same knitting pattern, same length, etc.  I promise on my big toe I did not see it until today so there’s no way I could have copied her design.  And even if I wanted to copy her design, it’s not like there’s a patent on the garter stitch and the yarn we used.  However, for some reason I feel weird about it.  She is in an entirely different region and of course with any item you can think of you can walk into several different stores and find similar if not the same items in regular stores.  What do you think?  Go ahead and sell mine as well or move on to something else?  I mean, if there’s really nothing new under the sun then there would be plenty of overlap in the Etsy/sell your handmade items world right?

Did you waste money on a boring book?

6 Dec

Let me start off by saying basically the same thing everyone else who has made this wreath says…I am not a book hater. I think books are a great way of learning and even with the advances in technology I don’t think I can give up the feel of a real book supporting my face when I fall asleep and slobber the text off the pages. I’m afraid I might zap myself if I fell asleep on a Kindle and slobbered on it. Plus, you don’t have to recharge or find batteries for a regular, old-fashioned book. AND how else would libraries smell like rotting book glue if the whole world changed over to Kindles and E-Readers and all those great tech gadgets. But just in case the world does go completely tech and decides to get rid of the books I have one idea for a few of them. A book wreath.

I first stumbled upon the tutorial at Living With Lindsay and I really like how her’s turned out.  Then I found this post at NONSUCH BOOK with different variations.  What I ended up with was a few burnt fingers and a wreath that looked nothing like either site but I’m happy with it.  Very happy with it for two reasons; it looks pretty good and for a long time I felt bad for wasting money on such a horrible book but now that I found something positive to make of it I feel I actually put my money to good use.   I looked up the author and he has been on #1 on the New York Times bestselling author list.  I guess this particular book must have been an off period or maybe he was going through some difficulties in his home life.  I wont mention who he is but I doubt we’ll be having him over for dinner now that I have defiled 287 pages of his verson of a man’s struggle for survival as he delves into a world full of haunting memories to find out who is double-crossing him while he hunts down a high-ranking official that could possibly be responsible for a man’s murder 25 years ago.  Or something like that. 

I think total this is about $15.00 worth of supplies maybe.  The wreath I bought at Hobby Lobby last night for about $4.00, the book was from a Thrift Store for about $2.00, the glue and glue gun I’ve had a while and the coffee (which is really the most important part of this project) was about $6.99 for a large can of Chock Full o’ Nuts.

 

I pretty much followed the tutorial at Living with Lindsay aside from how I folded my pages.  I used brown paint on the edges of the pages like she did in her tut but I don’t think I put it on thick enough.  Anyway, it didn’t seem to make a big difference on my wreath.  Basically all you do is tear the sheets out of the book, roll the page and glue it to the wreath.  Oh, and try not to touch the tip of the hot glue gun to your fingers.  Yeah the hot glue on your fingers is bad but the tip of the glue gun is like surface of the sun hot.

Here’s another photo of it with the rest of my decor.  And I use the word decor lightly.  Very lightly.  I’m working on it ok?   I would also like to say that it was very difficult for me to destroy a book but now that I have the taste of blood I might tear up a few more.  Who knew crafting could bring out such a rebel.

Balls of Fury

3 Dec

Monday was the Deck the Hall gathering that the ladies like to do on what we call “the long hall.”  Being mostly ladies who have it together, we’re supposed to bring some kind of finger food and put up wreaths on our office doors.  I, being one of the not so together ladies, usually either forget the food, wreath or occasionally…both.  This year I managed to bring food but didn’t have a wreath and the food I brought was not so great.  I made baklava once before and it was a big hit but this time it just sucked.  I had all the ingredients and even put them together correctly but forgot one crucial step in the process.  NO silly, I did cook it.  There’s a particular moment in the sequence of events that you slice the baklava before you bake it then when it comes out you drizzle this special high sugar and honey content super duper drizzle over it that only hummingbirds can stand without going into an immediate diabetic coma.  Anyway, it has weighed heavily on me that I have not been very successful with my Deck the Hall participation and I hoped to change that by putting up my most spectacular wreath on the most spectacular day…MY BIRTHDAY!!!

I know I’m nearly a week behind.  Granted, I was out two days this week coughing up a chinchilla out of my neck.   I was also sacked out so hard I barely woke up to eat lunch.  You know when I can’t drag myself to the table to eat something is very very wrong.  Alas, I got the idea that in order to make up for being 4-5 days late (depending on if you count Friday or not) I decided I would make a wreath unlike any other wreath on the long hall.  Instead of the usual greenery I would make……wait for it……wait for it……here it comes…..

A CHRISTMAS BALL WREATH

It took me half a dozen tries, re-starts, do-over, back-ups and a whole slew of other hyphenated words before I managed to turn this:

Into this:

I really love the colors.  It’s not the typical Christmassy colors, not that there’s anything wrong with that but I just feel like these colors are more mature and tomorrow being my birthday I think I need to start showing my mature side.  Yeah right, this from the same woman who wanted to title this post “Balls to the Wall.”  I mean Balls of Fury is kind of a compromise right.  I was furiously working trying to get this done before tomorrow.  Anyway, I like it and I’m amazed I pulled of something this nice and I dare say classy.  Though if I had to do it all over again I would maybe not have used a coat hanger and I probably would have glued the top parts of the ornaments, the part that the hook goes into if you were to hang them on a tree, glue them on to all of the ornaments instead of only gluing the ones that fell off because if you don’t glue them they eventually all fall off.  I did do a little forward thinking and get plastic balls instead of glass.  I dropped almost all of them on the floor at one point or another.   I also have to say it was nice dusting off the hot glue gun.  I haven’t used that thing in a while.  I do wish someone would show me how to use it without getting those little cobwebs of glue everywhere not to mention  hot gluing my finger a few times. 

I was working so hard on my wreath I forgot to cut my son’s hair.  Again.  See, I manage to bring food but not a wreath or a wreath and not a haircut or Kool Aid but no sugar…

 p.s.

Go check out my Etsy shop.  I don’t have any wreaths there but I did put up several of my photos for sale.